Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Breakfast - hashbrown
Lunch - Home Team BBQ - pork wrap (they put mashed taters, slaw, and corn in it)
Dinner - some kind of chicken and bean stew Foo made...mmmmmm

Weight - 184 lbs

5k - 23 min 22 sec

Bad Day

I think Dad's cancer is really starting to eat his mind. He's always been a realist with a pessimistic lean but he now invents things to worry about and even if something isn't working out right, he over analyzes and stresses out over it. I've tried to pull out of Fran some of her mother's behaviors during her battle with cancer, but haven't got much in response except for she, and dad now, ordered and prioritized everything whether it was wrong or right. But who am I to determine whose priorities are right or wrong. Maybe he sees things more clearly at times, but at other moments the worldly things just muddle it up. I do believe though that when your prioritizing starts to delve into the realm of controlling you've lost it. We can't control anything except for our own thoughts and actions; and we're not too good at that. So how does worrying about everything besides your own fight make anything better. Its absolutely exhausting being an optimist.

Good news for Charlie boy. He won't have to have another MRI or lumbar puncture and treatment as usual and time will continue to heal him.

You know, I cried countless times when Charlie was fighting for his young life. I think it was because I really didn't know he was going to make it. I've never cried about Dad.

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